Mails and LOLcats
Aug. 31st, 2011 09:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
solrosanNotes: This might actually be the continuing to The only family he got and while I'm at it, maybe this is partly what happened before Mycroft vs Harry. Or maybe it's neither. The mails are, although chronological, not time-stamped and the intervals between them varies. It's probably not even all the mails exchanged between John, Harry and Clara during John's time in Afghanistan. The reason John's address is incomplete is because I have no idea what to actually put after the @.
Summary: Mail-conversations between John and Clara during John's time in Afghanistan, the building of a relationship because they both needed it.
To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
CC: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Contact information
Hi Harry!
At base now. If you want to get in touch with me this address is the easiest way.
Talk to you later.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Contact information
Good to hear you got there in one piece. Please come home the same way ;P
Harry says hi.
Love
//Clara
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Tell us something!
Hello?
You’re still there right? Haven’t heard from you in weeks! That “get in touch” thing goes both ways you know. We’re bombarded with terrible pictures from down there every day, it would be nice to get some sign of life from you every now and again.
It’s raining in London. Hope the weather is better where you’re at (where exactly are you at? So I’ll know if I need to worry when they talk about dead British soldiers in that-or-that place). Don’t really know what “good weather” in the desert is.
Harry says hi.
Hugs and kisses!
//Clara
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Something something!
I’m sorry. I’m alive. And sorry. Sorry. Will remember to send a mail every now and again. But don’t worry, if I wouldn’t be alive you and Harry would be the first ones informed. And I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t report my death as just “dead British soldiers”, “attack at red-cross facility” is more likely ;)
So far I’d say “good weather” in the desert consists of clouds. I’m not in a Sahara desert-desert, just in a “nothing would ever grow here again”-desert.
Tell Harry hi.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Something something!
That was highly uninformative of you John Watson. And did you honestly put us down as your next of kin? Were you going to inform us about that? Are we going to be the ones informing your parents? Me and Harry, your parents? Are you a complete idiot?
Now you really need to come back in one piece!
Hugs and kisses!
//Clara
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: Something something!
I’d never put you in that situation. If something would happen to me, both you and Harry and our parents are getting a notification. I didn’t say anything because I thought it was implied.
Now let’s stop talking about that.
I have some pics I’ve attached. Not much, but as they say…it’s home :P
Please return the favour! And stick your tongue out to Harry for me (no, no reason).
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Wallpaper samples!
Thank you thank you thank you for the pictures :D The base looks nice! I guess. I haven’t seen that many so I can’t compare with much else than what the WWII films you’ve forced me to watch have provided.
I do you one better! I’m going to let you have a say in what wallpaper we’re going to terrorise the office/library /guest room with. And before you say anything: we thought about painting, but decided on no, we want wallpaper!
Harry wants the second or the fifth one, I’m leaning towards the first or third. The fourth is almost not an option and the sixth is just there because it’s fun and cute and would go perfect in a nursery.
Go wild! And no rush, we’re not doing it until July when I have vacation.
We miss you!
//Clara
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: NURSERY?!
What have I not been informed about? Don’t tell me my sister got you pregnant?
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: NURSERY?!
Hahahahahaha! Skipped some basic classes in doctor school Dr Watson?
No one’s pregnant, no one’s going to be pregnant, so keep your knickers on! :P every time we’ve talked about it we’ve always ended up agreeing on adopting. Maybe you can take home something cute?
Don’t tell Harry I told you about this.
What do you think about the wallpapers?
Kiss kiss!
//Clara
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: NURSERY?!
Human trafficking? Kidnapping? You’re really suggesting that? :P And I sat through all my classes during my time at the little doctor school, and I was just hung-over or drunk during half of them, thank you very much!
Too bad no one was pregnant, I’d love being an uncle :) totally willing to give up the guestroom for that (just guessing I’ll be the most frequent user of it). You’d be a great mum! Growing up under the ruthless dictatorship of Harry Watson has made me a bit unsure about how suitable she’ll be though :P
And you can tell her I said that :P
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: NURSERY?!
Yes, human trafficking! Of course! Small Afghani children that the evil West has done orphan! I wants em all! Yesch Igor bring em all to me! Let the children come to me Luke because I. am. your. father.
………….….I so hope no one is pre-reading your mails before you get them.
I’ll just stop now. Just in case.
Kisses!
//Clara
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: (no subject)
I don’t know how to start this mail. I just don’t know.
It’s been a bad couple of days at the office. Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad days. I feel empty, there’s nothing left of me. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to tell you. But the only thing I’ve wanted to do today is to write you. I’ve never wanted to go home as much as I do right now. But I can’t. Even if I could I can’t. I hate being this needed.
I appreciate you writing me, it always make me smile. You’re close to the only one who does.
Give Harry a hug from me. Tell her that I love her so so much. Not just because she’s my sister and there’s a law that forces me to. And I love you too, I don’t think I’ve ever told you that. But I do. You have no idea how much better you’ve made my life by being there for Harry.
Thank you for being so wonderful. I miss you both so much.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: We love you too!
We love you too! And we miss you! Come home John, please come home! I wish I could call you right now! If I could just call you!
Is there something I can do? Do you want something? Do you need something? Can I send you something besides 1s and 0s?
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/funny-pictures-oh-oh-i-borked-myself.jpg
did it help?
Dear God John! Why couldn’t you just get a job at a nice little hospital or surgery here?
I don’t want to stop writing because I want to keep you reading and keep you happy but I don’t know what to write :( I’m so sorry you’re hurting, I’m so sorry….
We love you we love you we love you!
//Clara
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
Subject: (no subject)
I love you too, please be safe.
------------------------------------------------
To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: (no subject)
I do my best. Promise to take care of each other, okay?
And I side with you when it comes to the wallpaper. Clara must be colour-blind.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: We love you too!
It helped! Thank you :) Cute kittens always make the world better. I’m sorry to unload on you like that and to make you worried. You don’t have to worry, I don’t want you to worry.
Please don’t worry :) I’m all better now.
I’ve given Harry the verdict on the wallpapers, sorry but you have no taste.
Thank you for sharing my mail with her.
Take care of each other, I need to have somewhere to drop off that orphan child you ordered.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: We love you too!
You didn’t really snatch a kid off the streets right? Right?
I worry my beautiful arse off if it suits me Dr Watson and since you’re not here there’s nothing you can do about it. Deal with it!
But don’t stop writing us when you have a piss-poor bloody day (no pun intended I guess), we’re going to worry either way and you sounded like you needed it. I’m going to send you a cat pic (or dog pic or any-random-animal pic) in every mail from now on. Just in case you try to go all heroic on me and clam up like a manly-man you think you are.
Save them for a rainy day…if there ever are rain days in the desert.
Love
//Clara
P.s. Since I’m the one putting up that wallpaper I decided the Watsons have no say in it D.s.
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Where is my cat pic?!
You SUCK Clara Isabelle Shaw Watson! (Yes, I did remember your middle name, impressed?) You forgot the cat-pic in the VERY FIRST MAIL :P
And you’re putting up the wallpaper by yourself? How very dykey (dyky? dykiey? Wow, that word does not want to be spelled) of you.
(and no, no kid.)
John.
ps they claim it rains sometimes, but I don’t believe them before I see it.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Lolcats!
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/funny-pictures-cat-sees-what-you-did.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/1162259616246.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/americancat.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/funny-pictures-kitten-is-a-ninja.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/nightout.jpg
http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/funny-celebrity-pictures-i-hate-reading-letters-from-elves-i-mean-were-they-all-poetry-majors.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/53b327a6-8a6b-4e81-966b-33d85302caa1.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/funny-pictures-kitten-will-help-you.jpg
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: You suck!
Better?
Didn’t have time for a proper answer before, was at work.
First, I think the word you’re looking for is “Wonder woman” (or dikey I’ve seen it spelled, but who says that?). Second, someone has to be the man in the house when the one we usually borrow is away picking sand out of blisters…and no way it’s going to be your sister.
Btw, how very sexist of you to think a woman couldn’t smack some paper on a wall. I never thought that of you John Hitler Watson (that’s not what the H stands for right? Harry is refusing to tell me!).
Kisses and hugs and lolcats!
//Clara
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: You’re crazy…
Do hope you know that.
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
Subject: Happy B-day!
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Johnny! Happy birthday to you!
Feels so off not having you here on your birthday.
Hope you have a nice day, Clara and I have made you a cake, hopefully someone else too. Someone a bit closer.
I miss you. Come home.
Harry
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Happy birthday!
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/funny-pictures-cat-has-birthday.jpg
God…I’m so scared that you’re so old since I’m just two month younger.
Hope you have a wonderful day!
//Clara
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To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: Happy B-day!
Thanks sis :)
No cake, no nothing really. They sang for me though, not as well as you do it (but you can’t expect so much from a bunch of blokes). Hope the cake you made was good, especially since there’s going to be a hideous colour on your walls.
I missed you, I don’t think I’ve ever had a b-day without you singing to me.
Take care and be good! :)
John.
ps thanks for not telling Clara my middle name ;)
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: Happy birthday!
Haha good thing you reminded me! I’d totally forgot it (seasons don’t really exist here so it’s hard to keep track of month).
For b-day info, see Harry’s mail ;)
John.
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Wonder woman! Take me home!
Have I told you lately that I hate sand?
I hate sand Clara, I hate it, hate it, hate it.
You know what I hate more?
People trying to kill each other IN THE BLOODY SAND and actually MAKING IT BLOODY SAND! Sandy wounds are so last season! Not even last season, last millennia! Sand in human bodies is SO 1st millennia.
I hate sand. What’s the point? What’s the point? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
And how are you?
John.
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Costume at the cleaners sorry!
Otherwise I’d come straight away, you know that!
I don’t have a precise opinion on sand. I like it on the beach and as a substitute for road salt when the roads are icy and slippery. I don’t like it in my hair, that’s why sex on the beach is so much better as a drink than as a summer activity.
And when I was a little girl and tripped and fell on my bike and got sand and dirt in it it stung like hell when mum cleaned it. So I can see that it’s unpractical to have sand in bigger wounds as well.
When you get home I’ll make sure there’s no sand around.
Promise!
//Clara
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: God you’re old!
Happy birthday you old witch! I don’t have much time, just wanted you to know I didn’t forget (again).
I love you and miss you and hope you have a wonderful day!
John.
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: God you’re old!
No wonder you’re single! That’s no way to speak to a woman!
Thank you for remembering though! Harry threw me a surprise party (and gosh! I had no idea!) and had bought me a wonderful necklace. It’s the thirds photo, buuuuut you might have figured that out all by yourself :P
We both wished you’d been there!
Love!
//Clara
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Picture time!
If you share pictures, I should share pictures!
They’re pretty much self explanatory I think. Look at the tan I’ve managed ;) We’re really not made for this kind of sun…no wonder almost every aussie has melanoma.
John.
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Long time, no mail!
What’s happening in the Queen’s backyard? Totally stuck with the wallpaper? Haven’t heard from you or Harry in weeks now. Everything OK? You know I have spare time to worry too.
Do you want a funny cat?
John.
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To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Long time, no mail!
What’s happening in the Queen’s backyard? Totally stuck with the wallpaper? Haven’t heard from you or Clara in weeks now. Everything OK? You know I have spare time to worry too.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: I’m sorry
I’m sorry, I should have written more. I just don’t know what to write anymore because I can’t write what I need to write. You know?
I need to tell you something because I can’t handle it, but I cannot tell you, you’re in freaking Afghanistan, saving people who would die without you! And you really shouldn’t have to deal with this. And I know I can’t send you this and expect you to drop it, so I guess I do this to force myself to say it.
I’m so, so sorry…You did this for so long and I really, really should handle this better.
She’s drinking again. I don’t know what to do. It’s been going on for so long but I couldn’t tell you. You were leaving for Afghanistan for Christ sake! And I thought I could handle it and that it would get better, but it just gets worse and worse and I can’t pretend it’s not happening.
What should I do? What can I do?
I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything sooner and I’m sorry I’m saying anything at all now and I’m sorry I’m burdening you with this because I know there is nothing you can do from there.
Please just come home safe. Please, please, please come home safe.
We need you!
//Clara
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: I’m sorry
It’s not your fault.
I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I should have seen it.
I’m grateful you told me. You shouldn’t have to be alone in it. I’m so sorry I can’t be of better help.
If there’s anything, at all, I can do….
John.
ps I’m going to write Harry too. Just so you know.
------------------------------------------------
To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Damnit Harry!
Clara just told me you’re drinking again (and apparently has been since before I left). Why Harry? Please tell me, please let me help! I’m sure there’s something I can do even if I’m here.
You’re hurting her. I know you know that. She wants to help you too. Please let us help you!
I don’t understand Harry, everything seemed so good. When did it stop being good?
I’m sorry I can’t be there for you when you need me, but you should have told me. I might have been able to help. I still might be.
Stop before something really stupid happens.
John.
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Damnit Harry!
Fuck you Dr. Hero!
You don’t know, you don’t care and you don’t understand! Stop pretending you do. This is none of your business and Clara is exaggerating. I take a glass of wine sometimes, I can handle that. It’s not that bad so just piss off!
------------------------------------------------
To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: Damnit Harry!
You’re my sister! It makes it my bloody business. And exaggerating? Clara? Were you drunk when you wrote me? When has she ever exaggerated anything? The woman doesn’t even use enough spices when she cook!
Please Harry…just tell me what happened.
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: What’s happening?
I think she’s ignoring me. I hope I didn’t make it worse. I haven’t heard from any of you in a while. Are you also ignoring me?
I’ve tried to get in touch with some kind of support network (for you, not for her, pretty sure it’d back fire if it comes from little brother). Sending you the links in a bit.
Hang in there, I’m thinking about you! I wish I could be of better help.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: What’s happening?
Yes, she ignores you. Loudly. But nothing is worse…I think it’s stuck on a more-or-less stable level right now. God I hope it is.
I bought a new dress yesterday. It’s blue so Harry says I can’t wear it in the wallpapered room, apparently the dress doesn’t match the walls. You Watsons are a bit strange you know that?
I do feel really pretty in the dress though, especially with the necklace I got from Harry. I need to feel pretty right now.
Please tell me a war story John. A dreadful and terrible one so I can get my life in some perspective.
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/funny-pictures-i-red-ur-jurnul-yoo-rly-scrood-up.jpg
I miss you….
//Clara
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
Subject: (no subject)
I hit her John. What the hell should I do?
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To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Fuck you.
I’m so angry I can hardly write.
You unbelievable idiot!
Apologise, move the fuck away and get sober!
------------------------------------------------
To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Move
Are you okay? What’s happening up there? Harry says she hit you?
If that’s even close to the truth, please move away. Move into a hotel, I’ll pay. I promise.
John.
------------------------------------------------
To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: I’m okay!
I’m okay, I promise. It wasn’t that bad really. We just had an argument and it went a bit out of hand. She has apologised and everything is fine again. She’s promised to get help now and I’m so relived. I’m so happy.
Don’t worry :) I can feel you worry all the way here. You don’t have to, I think this was the wakeup call she needed. It’s all going to be fine.
Thank you for caring and being so good!
//Clara
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: I’m okay!
She. Hit. You.
And for her to panic and mail me it has to have been something pretty bad. Do you listen to yourself? You sound like a beaten wife to an alcoholic. Oh look! You are just that!
Please, please, please for everyone’s sake, move away. If she keeps her promise you can move back, but before that….
I feel like the worse brother in the world, but I don’t trust her. You should also know better than doing so.
Please?
John.
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
Subject: (no subject)
Clara left.
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To: Harriet Watson <harry.watson@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: Re: (no subject)
I’m sorry Harry I really am.
But you hit her, what did you expect her to do?
Please get help, please! I know you can to do it, you’ve done it before. I believe in you sis! And I know Clara wants to see you get better. Get help and then I’m sure you and Clara can work it out.
Take care of yourself Harry.
John.
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To: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
From: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
Subject: Please don’t hate me
I’m divorcing your sister.
I haven’t talked to her, I haven’t talked to a lawyer, I haven’t done anything really. But I must do this, I must divorce Harry and right now it feels like I must move to the other side of the world to keep my sanity.
I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.
//Clara
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To: Clara Shaw-Watson <clara.shaw@gmail.com>
From: John H. Watson <johwa1437@>
Subject: I could never hate you.
I’m sorry. For you, for me, for Harry.
I understand completely, you have to do what you have to do. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. You’re too dear to me. But it hurts me and I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for you.
Thank you for telling me in advance.
John.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-08-14 06:38 pm (UTC)