Short Message Service Vol. XIX - Hiatus

[solrosan]

Notes: This chapter follows directly after Vol XIV: The Afterfall. The first two texts are here are the last two Sherlock sent in that chapter.

As always: all my love to zedille for her help.

The other chapters can be found here.

Summary: The sporadic contact between Sherlock and not!Anthea during the two years Sherlock is away.


I’ll keep in touch.
SH

I promise.
SH

-x-

I really thought you of all people
would know how to pack for
travel outside the UK.
SH

Excuse me?

You’re forgiven.
SH

I wasn’t actually apologising.

You should.
SH

If my packing isn’t to your
satisfaction, you can pack
your own bags the next
time you decide to fake
your death.

I think I just might.
SH

I really don’t get paid enough.

You’ll have to take that up
with Mycroft.
SH

I will. He still hasn’t reimbursed me
for babysitting you to begin with.

I don’t need babysitting.
SH

I didn’t forget to pack anything.

Yes, you did.
SH

No, I decided you couldn’t
bring your Batman costume.

I don’t have one.
SH

I’ve seen pictures.

I’m adding Mycroft’s name
to my target list.
SH

I thought he was always at
the top of that.

He is.
SH

I know how to pack, Sherlock.
I leave the country at least
twice a month.

Yes and if we accept the
premise that you haven’t
forgotten to pack anything, I
must conclude that you’re
painfully unobservant of the
fact that most of the world
don’t share our sockets.
SH

Oh. I forgot the wall plug
adaptor. I’m sorry.

It’s all right. They sell them
on the Continent too. I just
wanted you to know you
screwed up.
SH

As I said: the next time you
fake your death, you can
pack your bags yourself.

I think I will.
SH

But leave the Batman costume.

-x-

I sent you a file on what
you cannot, under any
circumstances, mess with
when you’re in the Czech
Republic.

You’re not supposed to
know where I am.
SH

I manage your bank account. I
can see what currency you use.

I should have stayed in the
Eurozone.
SH

I’m not the one you’re
supposed to be hiding from.

Debatable.
SH

Hush.

Seriously, though. Read the file.

I will.
SH

And send me a postcard!

-x-

How are things in London?
SH

John is doing all right.

That’s not what I asked.
SH

Yes it was.

-x-

I need a shower.
SH

Are you a dirty boy?

I set myself up for that
one, didn’t I?
SH

Yes, you did.

I need a shower.
SH

Can’t really help you with
that.

You good-for-nothing.
SH

I’m sorry.

I really need a shower.
SH

-x-

New phone.
SH

What happened to the
old one?

I dropped it in a fountain.
SH

You dropped it?

Fine. I fell into a fountain
and had my phone on me.
SH

I’m going to find out
where you are and see
if I can find camera
footage.

I thought you had a
country to run to its knees.
SH

It’s my day off.

-x-

My account seems frozen.
SH

I’ll see to it.

-x-

Can I outsource a thing
to you?

God! That scared the life
out of me.
SH

What? The text alert?

Yes. I’ve had it turned off
for weeks. I forgot I had
turned it back on.
SH

You don’t still have Ms
Adler’s moan, right?

No, that one was rather
personalised to the
phone I left on the roof.
SH

I’m glad to hear.

I’m sure you are.
SH

So, can I outsource a
thing to you?

You or Mycroft?
SH

Queen and country.

So, Mycroft.
SH

Can you do it or not?

What is it?
SH

I am supposed to sit
in on a ERM II meeting
in Copenhagen but I’m
double-booked and
since you’re in Denmark…

I’m not here on vacation.
SH

I know.

And even if I were, that sounds
incredibly boring.
SH

It is.

Then I think I’ll pass.
SH

Please!

No.
SH

-x-

There’s something up
with your passport.

Details?
SH

We’re figuring it out. Don’t
use it until you’ve heard
from one of us.

-x-

Do you want me to send
you your very own army
doctor?
SH

Doing some early Christmas
shopping in your local war
zone, are we?

Do you want her or not?
SH

Her?

I realised that the only
preferences I know you
have are “uniform” and
“doctor”. I figured that
your constant innuendos
could be a way of
overcompensating for
some form of internalised
homophobia and I thought
I’d offer you an alternative.
SH

I can’t really decide if I find
this incredibly sweet or
incredibly insulting.

So was I right?
SH

No, not even close. And
I’m pretty sure this is just
a way for you to watch me
and a female version of
John having lesbian sex.

Why would I want that?
SH

Don’t play naive. You know
exactly why.

To clarify: you don’t want
me to send her to London?
SH

No, but thank you for
thinking about me.

-x-

You have no idea how
wonderful it is to be in a
country where they drive
on the right side of the road.
SH

I’m assuming you mean the
right side as the left-hand side.

Yes! The proper, normal side.
Like the Queen wants us to.
SH

Do you want some biscuits
with your tea, dear?

Oh God! Yes.
SH

Homesick?

No.
SH

-x-

Tell Mycroft to answer my email!
SH

He’s in Ireland.

I’m sure they have Internet there.
SH

I’ll phone him.

Thank you.
SH

Anything wrong?

Just have him answer the email.
SH

I will.

-x-

Are you all right?

Yes.
SH

I haven’t heard form you
in months.

Didn’t Mycroft get my email
eight days ago?
SH

Yes, but I haven’t heard
from you in months.

I’m all right.
SH

Are you sure?

Yes.
SH

-x-

Your mother called me.

Hasn’t Mycroft kept her
updated?
SH

She wants more than
“Sherlock is alive and
somewhere in the world.”

What did you tell her?
SH

That you’re alive and
somewhere in the world.

Good.
SH

I feel dirty.

I’ll text her.
SH

Really?

I promise.
SH

-x-

Your brother is wondering if
you got the microphones.

I did.
SH

I imagine the biscuits were
your doing?
SH

Perhaps.

Thank you.
SH

-x-

New phone.
SH

What happened?

You’re better off not
knowing.
SH

I’m not sure about that.

I’m better off with you
not knowing.
SH

I have a vacation coming
up. I will find out what
happened to this one, too.

-x-

How did you get my home
address?

Freaking out?
SH

Yes! Please say you got it
from your brother.

Ask him yourself.
SH

That would make this even
creepier, if that were possible.

I thought you said you wanted
a postcard.
SH

I did, 18 months ago. I never
thought you’d bother.

Be careful what you wish for.
SH

Thank you for the card.

You’re welcome.
SH

I miss you too.

-x-

The Trepoff case?

I don’t know what you’re
talking about.
SH

You have to stop doing
that sort of thing.

I don’t know what you’re
talking about.
SH

If it takes me three headlines in
German and a telegram on the
BBC to figure it out, imagine how
easy it can be for people who
actually speak German.

I don’t know what you
are talking about.
SH

But if I did I would say that
you're giving yourself too
little credit. Most people
are idiots.
SH

And think that I’m dead.
SH

Just be careful.

-x-

What happened to Mycroft’s
mobile?
SH

Oh damn. I was going to give
you his new number. I’ve been
thinking about it all week.

What happened to it?
SH

I would love to say that he
dropped it in the toilet, but
it just died.

I will imagine him dropping
it in the toilet.
SH

If it makes you happy.

You have no idea how much
it does.
SH

He’s on a conference call with
the ECB, should I tell him to call
you when he’s done?

Yes.
SH

Anything I can do?

It’s nothing. Just tell Mycroft
to call me.
SH

I will.

-x-

Is there a reason you’ve
missed your last three
report dates?

-x-

If you don’t get in touch
soon, I’ll send your brother
after you.

I’m not even kidding.

-x-

Vol. XX

Comments

[frozen_delight]

I so wish I could leave you kudos every single time you update, because each new update makes me just so happy. I really hope the new series has inspired you to write much, much more for this verse.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

You're seriously amazing <3 And I'm secretly pleased that you can't leave more kudos because you write such sweet comments and I love your sweet comments and I want to just hug you like crazy!

[the-first-chibi.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I am so happy to see one of these!

I'm also imagining Mycroft dropping his phone in the toilet XD And look at where you ended! Perfect. I can't wait to see more!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Weeee :D I'm happy you're happy!

And same her! In the first couple of drafts Mycroft actually did drop it in the toilet ;) And at one point he dropped it in his tea.

[zedille.livejournal.com]

LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR FAST TURNAROUND TIME :D

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

For some reason the text with the lesbian sex just... disappeared. I have no idea how that happened. (but it's back now!)

AND! AO3 is fucking up Sherlock's formating.

[zedille.livejournal.com]

I had three emails just disappear (not in spam, not in trash, not in "all mail"...) out of my inbox. Clearly the fanfic gods were angry and you should have sent the file back to me before posting. \O.o/

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

That's the only explanation!

[arianedevere.livejournal.com]

I always love these, but this one is particularly brilliant, especially the last two messages.

And even though I'm wibbling about what Sherlock is about to face, at least he'll see Anthea soon!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I really enjoy the idea that she threatens with Mycroft in a last vain hope that Sherlock is just being stubborn and ignoring her for some reason.

Yes :D I was so thrilled to see her again in this series (and actually talking to Sherlock!) There are far too many things I want to do with that scene...

[a_blackpanther]

♥

I'm not currently more coherent than this.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Just coherent enough, dear :) Thank you ♥