Short Message Service Vol. XVII - Travels

[solrosan]

Notes: The traveling-theme was suggested by mosellegreen a long, long time ago. Like all the Hiatus Chapters this take place somewhere between their first introduction and TRF.

I'm pretty sure you won't notice it, but I've never done as much research for an SMS chapter as I have this one. zedille has been invaluable as always!

The rest can be found here.

Summary: Up, down, flying around... not!Anthea does a good bit of traveling in her job, sometimes Sherlock does as well.


-x-

I need the video from
the cameras you have
outside our flat.
SH

It’s for a case.
SH

Don’t deny that you have
cameras all over Baker
Street.
SH

Are you ignoring me?
SH

That won’t work. Ask
Mycroft.
SH

Give me the footage!
SH

Or better yet, give me
access to the camera feed.
SH

All right, it’s not for a
case. Yet. But it’ll be
useful someday.
SH

Just give me the footage!
SH

Oh, how happy I am that
I’ve had my phone turned
off for the last hour.

You? Turning off your phone?
SH

“All mobile phones should be
turned off for the duration of
the flight.” Or whatever it is
they say. I’ve stopped listening
and just suffer.

Where are you?
SH

I should have given you enough
information for you to
figure that out.

You’re right. You said “hour”,
not “hours”, and this is you.
So, Brussels.
SH

Yes.

How about that footage?
SH

No.

Then I’ll just hack the
camera.
SH

You do that.

-x-

What name is your
passport under?
SH

Madeleine Somers.

You use your real name
on your passport?
SH

I’m a government employee.
Not a secret agent.

I thought secret agents
were government employees.
SH

True. I’m just not one of them.

Dull.
SH

I know.

By the way, now I know
your last name. Tricking that
out of you was far too easy.
SH

Damn it!

-x-

The measures airports
take to stop terrorists
might actually turn me
into one.

I thought you already
were a terrorist.
SH

When you have a letter
of marque, the correct
term is “privateer”.

No, that’s a government-
authorised pirate.
SH

I forgot that I’m talking to
an aspiring pirate. We have,
however, broadened the term
since those days.

I’m going to kill Mycroft
for spreading the pirate
thing around!
SH

You’ve never thought about
becoming a privateer
instead of a pirate?

No, I’ve always preferred
to be self-employed.
SH

Of course.

By the way, aren’t government-
authorised terrorists
secret agents?
SH

Not all of them.

Are you sure?
SH

You’re not going to
make me say I’m a
secret agent.

Just a privateer terrorist?
SH

Yes.

But what you’re currently
planning would strip you of
your letter of marque?
SH

Yes.

Intriguing.
SH

At least it’s a nice thing
to daydream about
while I’m waiting
for boarding.

Tell me if you need
any help.
SH

I will.

-x-

Why are you going to
Minsk?

Tell Mycroft that it’s
none of his business.
SH

Everything is his business.

Wasn’t that the Stasi’s motto?
SH

We’ve learned a lot from
our frenemies in the East.

How do you even know
I’m going to Minsk?
SH

He’s tracked your passport
ever since your extended
stay in Christiania in 2002.

Not very efficient for
tracking someone in
Europe these days, I
must say.
SH

It works wonders when
you go to Belarus, though.

Apparently, yes.
SH

Why are you going to
Minsk?

It’s still none of his
business.
SH

You know that you make
my life miserable when
you act like this, right?

So I should give up my
privacy for your
convenience?
SH

It would be appreciated, yes.
Your brother worries about
you, and he’ll be insufferable
until you’re back.

Sherlock, please?

Tell him that this isn’t
like 2002 or 1999.
SH

He’ll know what that
means?

Yes. Then you can tell
him to stop tracking
my passport and piss off.
SH

I won’t tell my boss to
piss off.

As long as the sentiment
is made clear.
SH

I’ll do my best.

-x-

Is 09:21 AM too early to
start drinking?

Seeing how it’s 14:21,
I’d say you’ve already
started.
SH

I’m in New York. Seriously,
if I ever complain about
airport security in Europe
again, tell me to shut up.

How was the body scan?
SH

About as inconvenient
as you would imagine.

Surveillance is all fun and
games until you’re on the
receiving end of it, isn’t it?
SH

Hush.

Was it a millimetre wave
scanner or a backscatter
X-ray?
SH

I don’t know.

Can’t you go back and
have a look?
SH

No.

Did you at least get to
keep the scans?
SH

What? No!

Pity.
SH

Not really. I need coffee.

Weren’t you having
something stronger?
SH

Unsurprisingly, it’s “too
early" to serve alcohol.

My condolences.
SH

I’ll survive. There’s only about
half an hour until boarding.

Safe flight.
SH

Ha! After the body scan
I’d be pretty upset if it
were anything but a safe
flight.

Safe is rather boring, though.
SH

True, but I was planning
to sleep the whole way.

Hence the coffee.
SH

Irrelevant. I worked up
my tolerance years ago.
This is just to counter
the headache and
support my addiction.

Healthy.
SH

What is it now, heroin
or cocaine?

Nicotine patches.
SH

Right.

Enjoy your coffee.
SH

-x-

My flight got cancelled.

Why?
SH

Bad weather.

Where are you?
SH

Frankfurt.

Take the train home.
SH

Ha! No.

No, you’re right.
SH

Send me treasure hunting!

What?
SH

You tell me something that
you can find at an airport,
and then I’ll try to find it
and send you a picture, and
then you give me something
else to find.

Ha! No.
SH

I’m bored, Sherlock.

If anyone, you should
know how painful that
is.

You know what you
usually say when I’m
bored?
SH

“Be quiet, I’m working”?

Yes. Luckily for you, I’m
much kinder than you are.
SH

Meaning what?

That I’ll play Scrabble
with you.
SH

You’re my hero!

Oh, God! My life is so sad.

Yes, it is. You work for
Mycroft.
SH

Just shut up and play
Scrabble while I drink
a G&T on your brother.

Remember this the next
time I’m bored.
SH

Cheers.

-x-

Can I blame today’s
screw-up on jetlag?

Aren’t you in Brussels?
SH

Yes.

Then, no.
SH

But it’s a long hour.

Still no.
SH

-x-

I’m so bored right now
that I would actually take
one of Mycroft’s cases.
SH

On second thought, no.
SH

Not unless it was really
interesting.
SH

I’m in Osaka. It’s 4 AM. Shut
up!

Work or pleasure?
SH

I’m here with your brother.

I hope that means work.
SH

It does. Now shut up.

Sleep tight.
SH

Too late. I’m awake now.

It’ll be easier to get back
to sleep if you stop texting.
SH

Oh, shut up.

You’re really cranky at 4 AM.
SH

-x-

There’s nothing to
do here.
SH

Should I send you
treasure hunting?

Pfft. No.
SH

Suit yourself.

Why didn’t you book
me on an earlier flight?
SH

Believe it or not, there
aren’t that many flights
between Karachi and
London.

It’s not a direct flight!
SH

No. There aren’t any
direct flights.

So I have to suffer through a
nine-hour layover in
Dubai?
SH

That was the cheapest
route. We can’t spend
a fortune on letting
you save terrorists.

Are we talking traditional
terrorists or privateers?
SH

Traditional. We would
never give Ms Adler a
letter of marque.

Perhaps you should.
SH

Yeah… No.

Would you give me one?
SH

I thought you wanted
to be self-employed?

I thought it would come
in handy since I’m going to
hijack an aeroplane and
force them to fly me home!
SH

Our letters of marque
don't cover that sort
of action.

That’s ridiculous.
SH

Oh, stop complaining!
Dubai is lovely.

I wouldn’t know. I’m
stuck at the airport.
SH

For eight more hours!
SH

Go to a café, order a
coffee (they have
great coffee at Dubai
International!) and
watch the planes
taking off and landing.

Is that what you do
when you’re stuck at
airports?
SH

No, I go to a bar. Then I
watch the aeroplanes.

And the pilots.

What an efficient use
of tax revenue.
SH

Be nice, or I won’t play
Scrabble with you.

I’ll be nice.
SH

Good.

I’ll start.
SH

-x-

Mycroft is being completely
unreasonable!
SH

I’m sorry. Ms Somers is on
holiday and does not wish
to deal with the Holmes
brothers for two wonderful
weeks. This has been an
automatic message. Please
do not reply to it.

Since when do you go on
holiday?
SH

Since I stopped having
breaks from school.

Where are you?
SH

That’s classified.

No, it’s not.
SH

Perhaps, but you don’t
have clearance, anyway.

Are you still in the
country?
SH

I’m not even going to
tell you if I’m still in the
Commonwealth or not.

Why not?
SH

I like my privacy.

And you don’t care how
terrible my day will be
if you don’t tell me?
SH

First of all: it won’t change
your day. Second of all: no.

Hypocrite.
SH

Yes. Now don’t start World
War III while I’m gone.

I won’t as long as Mycroft
backs off.
SH

I’m serious, Sherlock. If
you two need a referee
in the next weeks, you’ll
have to ask John.

I’d rather go to my cousin's
wedding.
SH

Is that what your brother is
being unreasonable about?

Yes.
SH

Just go.

On second thought, I think
I’m going to ask John instead.
SH

You can ask him to come
along. It can be a wedding
date!

Just enjoy your holiday.
SH

I will. I’ll text you when
I get back.

-x-

Vol. XVIII - Sickness and Health

-x-

Bonus texts! I give you, zedille

Comments

[the-first-chibi.livejournal.com]

Ahhh! So glad to see more! Poor Anthea, she gets so pestered. And I hope to see more :D

Just a small thing, though, I'm not sure if they'd say vacation. It'd be more likely they'd use "holiday" instead.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thank you :D There aren't no more planned atm, but seeing what some of the spoilers have shown I'm already plotting what is going to come when we just have more canon to play with ;)

Oh, English be damned! *waves fit at language* Thank you for telling me, word-brit-picking is always welcomed and I'll see to it :) Between me and my American beta there are bound to be slip-ups ;)

EDIT: Actually, brit picking in general is always welcomed :D But if I make some cultural error a PM probably works better since I'd end up with follow up questions :)

[the-first-chibi.livejournal.com]

Well I'll always look forward to more, no matter how long they'll take :) I just love the fic!

I'm glad to hear it! I'm always worried about fly by britpicking, because I'd hate for an author to feel bad about it. But I'm just pedantic, so it's never anything personal towards the story!

I'll keep that in mind if it comes up again!

:)

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

I, admittedly, have a very grumpy first reaction every time anyone says anything picky about stuff I write. I dread getting things back from my beta because I know I'll behave like a five-year-old when I read it the first time.

Fortunately I get pass it very quickly these days and I really appreciate that you point thinks like that out to me :) I can't learn otherwise :)

[frozen_delight]

I spent most of the day reading through this delightful series - now I'm all in love with Anthea and desperately want her to return in Season 3!!!
This was such a treat to read - at first it seemed such an outlandish idea, but then it made a shocking amount of sense and now it's starting to be my own headcanon, too.
I really hope that the new episodes, whenever they may finally air, will inspire you to write further parts for this brilliant, brilliant verse.
*hugs and goodnight*

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Rumors say she will, and I keep my fingers crossed!

I love this series and it makes me so happy when people enjoy it :D You're far from the first to think that the setup (both texting AND Anthea and Sherlock being friends) is madness, and I just started it as a gag to procrastinate, but... it has taken over my entire fandom life and I love and adore Anthea.

Thank you so, so much for being such a sweetheart!

[frozen_delight]

I hadn't heard of those rumours - I so hope that they're true!!!

[shadowfireflame.livejournal.com]

OMG WE GOT TO LEARN HER LAST NAME!! *dances* Love it. It really fits her.

Also, their fake automatic replies are fantastic. As is the fact that they can both tell when the auto-replies are faked.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Good! :D I really hate naming characters from countries and cultures I'm not from. The risk of them being completely off is... well... huge.

That's why fanfic is so nifty! And obviously why I like to write about the ones without canon names. Like Anthea. And Q..... *headdesk*