Short Message Service Vol. XII

[solrosan]

Notes: This was done with the help of arianedevere’s transcript of the episode and, as always, the amazing frayedshoelace as beta. This one was actually written before anything else after series 2.

The rest of them can be found here.

Summary: The Hounds of Baskerville told in texts, starting two days after the Stop Smoking Bet from vol. XI.


-x-

Have I won our
bet yet?

You’re not going
to win anything.
SH

So staying away
from cigarettes
is going well?

It’s going great.
SH

Are you sure?

My self-control
is infallible.
SH

So I’ll just ignore the
text offering to trade
me John for a pack
of cigarettes, shall I?

Please do that.
SH

-x-

CCTV is picking
up something
disturbing.

I told you to remove
the camera from
Mycroft’s bedroom.
SH

No, you didn’t
tell me that.

For your own
sanity, you should.
SH

Are you kidding me?
It’s the best free
porn I’ve ever seen.

As if riding the Tube
wasn't nauseating
enough....
SH

That’s the disturbing
thing. What are you
doing on the Tube
covered in blood?

None of the cabs
would take me.
SH

Because of the
blood or because
of the harpoon?

They didn’t specify.
SH

Imagine that.

People are too
sensitive when
it comes to blood.
SH

How did you get
that much on yourself?

Experiment.
SH

Tss. It’s a bit upsetting
that no one has
called the police.

I’ve told you,
people are
unobservant
idiots.
SH

See, that’s a
thing you have
told me.

I think I made
a child cry by
looking at it.
SH

Don’t call a child
“it”, Sherlock!

Oh, what does
it matter?
SH

Never mind. No
explanation will
ever convince you.

Are you implying
I’m stubborn?
SH

Have you met yourself?

Yes, I’m delightful.
SH

I don’t think you
know what that
word means.

Of course I do.
SH

Do you really
get motion-sick
on trains?

No, only on sailboats.
The Tube is simply
unpleasant.
SH

Is that what put
an end to your
dreams of becoming
a pirate?

I’m going to kill
Mycroft. And pirates
use ships, not boats.
I would have been
fine.
SH

What made you
change career paths?

Besides the
shortage of job
opportunities for
pirates?
SH

Yes, besides that.

Police incompetence.
SH

Please elaborate.

Carl Powers.
SH

Hm.

What?
SH

Moriarty has had
a huge impact on
your entire life.

He hasn’t. The
police would be
incompetent with
or without him.
SH

Be nice.

Baker Street
Station! Finally!
SH

Send me a picture
of John’s face
when you walk in.

Find something else
to distract you
from your work.
SH

That camera in
your brother’s
bedroom?

You’re a sick
woman.
SH

-x-

My kingdom for
a smoke!
SH

You don’t have
a kingdom to
give away.

I’ll find one!
SH

Is your amazing
self-control not
working anymore?

Shut up!
SH

You could always
give up and let me
win the bet.

Never.
SH

Good for you.

I’ve been tricked,
haven’t I?
SH

Yes. It’s for your
own good.

Cruel woman.
SH

Only because I
care about you.

-x-

Getting a bit of
fresh air, are we?

It’s inevitable,
I suppose.
SH

It’ll do you good.

The case will do
me good.
SH

The glowing rabbit?

Where do you
find the time to
lurk on my website?
SH

It’s part of my job
description after your
encounter with Moriarty.

And John’s blog?
SH

That’s for fun.

It’s not the rabbit.
SH

If you find one,
could you bring
me one?

A glow-in-the-
dark rabbit?
SH

Yes.

I could make you
a glow-in-the-
dark rabbit, if
you’d like one.
SH

Really?

It’ll take some
time, I’ve only
ever spliced GFP
into E. Coli before,
but this can’t be that
much harder.
SH

You’d make me a
sci-fi pet? That’s
so sweet!

It’s not science
fiction, it’s very
real. Though I can
only make it green.
SH

I love green.

No, you don’t.
SH

I can learn to
love it.

You seriously
want me to do it?
SH

I’d rather have a
green rabbit than
an exploding
umbrella.

Don’t be silly,
everyone wants
an exploding
umbrella.
SH

-x-

What’s at Baskerville?
SH

I thought you said
it wasn’t about the
rabbit?

It isn’t, but that’s
interesting. Why is
the military making
GFP mutated rabbits?
SH

I can honestly say
I don’t know.

It seems like a
complete waste
of money.
SH

It probably is.

What are they
doing more than
second year genetics
research?
SH

Where would the
fun be if I told you?
It isn’t like you
to take shortcuts.

You’re right. I’m
getting lazy.
SH

Good thing I look
out for you, then.

-x-

Are you deliberately
trying to make me
look stupid?

Probably not.
SH

I had to inform
your brother about a
security breach
at Baskerville.

23 minutes, you're
getting slow.
SH

Then I had to tell
him that the card
used to get in was
his card. That I
was supposed
to have blocked.

I’m glad you didn’t.
SH

Then I had the
pleasure of telling
him that I knew who
caused the breach,
and that I hadn’t told
him you were in
Dartmoor asking
questions about
Baskerville.

Are you fired yet?
SH

Oh, piss off!

I solved the
Bluebell case.
SH

Hallelujah!

If I describe how
John pulled rank
to get us in, will you
forgive me?
SH

No.

He saluted.
SH

And he liked it.
SH

You’re a terrible
storyteller.

I’m a wonderful
storyteller. He
flashed his
credentials.
SH

Stop! You’re ruining
it! I want to leave this
to my imagination.

Have I found
your Achilles heel?
SH

You’re very slow,
sometimes.

What do you mean?
SH

Never mind. Did
you like his
pulling rank?

It came in handy.
SH

I know something
else that comes
in a hand.

I’m ignoring what
you’re implying.
SH

Whatever works
for you.

-x-

I think you’d
like Henry.
SH

Not Henry Knight?

You know who he is?
SH

I tend to know
the nuts who like
drawing attention
to government
secrets.

Like you, my dear
Sherlock.

I’m a genius.
Not a nut.
SH

If you say so.

We’re going
out to the moor
tonight to see
if anything attacks
Henry.
SH

I stand corrected,
you’re not a nut at all….

-x-

Did you get attacked?

You haven’t been
eaten, have you?

Sherlock, I’m getting
worried over here.

-x-

I upset John.
SH

What did you do?

I don’t really know.
SH

Where is he now?

On a blind date with
Henry’s therapist.
SH

Why?

I told him.
SH

Look at you, being
a matchmaker. Is
that why he’s upset?

No.
SH

What happened
tonight, Sherlock?

I don’t know.
SH

Are you all right?

There’s nothing
wrong with me.
SH

Talk to me.

I’m afraid.
SH

John will forgive
you. Don’t worry.

It’s not that.
SH

But are you sure?
SH

Yes. And what are
you afraid of, if not
that?

I’m going mad. I
saw Henry’s hound.
SH

It exists?

That’s the thing,
isn't it? It can’t exist,
but I saw it.
SH

Is withdrawal
causing you to
hallucinate?

It’s nicotine. Not
cocaine.
SH

Do you have a
better idea of
why you saw
something you
couldn’t have seen?

No, but I’ll figure it
out.
SH

We can put the bet
on hold, if you’d like.

I’ve already lost it.
SH

Before tonight?

No.
SH

Then it doesn’t count.

I did see something.
SH

I believe you.

I just need a what,
a how, and a why.
SH

Only that?

You’re really not
helping right now.
SH

I’m sorry.

John won't leave.

-x-

The sugar!
SH

Yes?

-x-

Were you planning
on telling me you
have Moriarty in
custody?
SH

No. I wasn’t.

Why?
SH

For the same reason
I didn't tell you
about Bond Air.

Queen and country?
SH

Queen and country.
Your brother told
you when you called?

Oddly enough, yes.
SH

What did you bribe
him with to get
access to Baskerville?

Oh, a little of this, a
little of that.
SH

Fine, be mysterious
if it pleases you.
What are you
planning to do?

A laboratory
experiment.
SH

I’m sure there are
labs that don’t require
putting yourself
in your brother’s
debt.

Not close enough
to Dartmoor, and
time is of the essence.
SH

Why?

I drugged John.
SH

What?!

The sugar. That’s
the only explanation.
SH

You drugged John?

He’ll be fine. He’s
in the lab, I’m controlling
the environment.
SH

You drugged John!

Did you know
Lestrade’s first
name is Greg?
SH

And he changes the
subject…. Yes, I knew
that. You didn’t?

No.
SH

That’s ignorant,
even for you.

Was it you or
Mycroft who sent
him here?
SH

Call it a
collaboration.

What’s his
relationship
with my brother?
SH

Are you afraid he’ll
break his heart?

I’m more
worried about
Lestrade’s heart.
SH

Would it bother
you if they were in
a relationship?

You know it would,
but if Mycroft finds
someone who can
stand him, I suppose
it wouldn’t be the
end of the world.
SH

That’s so sweet! I think.

It looks like I need
to call John. He’s
locked himself in
a cage.
SH

What!?

Don’t think for
a second we’re
done with this
topic!

Either of them!

-x-

How’s John?

He’ll be fine.
SH

-x-

It was fantastic!
SH

Sherlock, it’s 4 a.m.

I can’t sleep.
Too exited!
SH

I don’t care.

It wasn’t the
sugar. It was the
fog! The fog!
SH

I’m turning off my
phone now.

-x-

You’d forgive me
if I drugged you,
right?
SH

I forgave you for
the decaf, didn’t I?

True.
SH

I don’t think
John’s that upset.

I don’t think he’ll
ever let me bring
him tea or coffee
again.
SH

You’re hoping for
that, aren’t you?

It really wouldn’t
be the worst thing
in the world.
SH

-x-

You got me a
glow-in-the-dark
rabbit!

I said I would.
SH

I thought it was
one of those
exploding umbrella
things.

You don’t want it?
SH

Of course I do!
Did you really
make it?

No, I stole it.
SH

Thank you. I’m
going to name it
Sherrinford.

Why on earth
would you do that?
SH

Why on earth not?

That answer is not
sufficient.
SH

It’s the answer
you're getting.

Have I ever
told you that
you’re an odd
woman?
SH

All the time,
Sherlock. All
the time.

-x-

Vol. XIII - TRF

Comments

[dessieoctavia.livejournal.com]

More SMS! Hooray!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Yaaay :D Thanks for the cheering!

[221b-hound.livejournal.com]

I giggled all the way through this. :D :D

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Mission completed! ;)

[the-silverdoe.livejournal.com]

I love this verse! :D

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Oh! I ADORE how you're doing these! Just so, so, so enjoy them!!!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thank you :D It makes me so happy to hear!

[shadowfireflame.livejournal.com]

OMG the rabbit was the cutest thing! And poor Sherlock texting her his fears. I'm really glad they are good texting friends and that they have each other. :)

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

...I need to bring the rabbit back! Somehow.

(If nothing else there should be an Elementary x-over where Clyde and Bee go to the UK and solve crimes along with the glowing rabbit!)