Short Message Service Vol. IX

[solrosan]

Notes: These texts are sent sometime between the start of their friendship and that diffuse time post-pool, pre-Irene, because honestly, I have no idea what to do with all this new canon! Have decided not to touch it before we’ve gotten all three eps though.

The rest is to be found here.

Summary: The big question is, how can not!Anthea work for Mycroft?

Acknowledgement: frayedshoelace has been wonderful as always with the beta work and she introduced me to a whole world of lovely Anthea fics this week.

-x-

How can you
work for my
brother?
SH

Have you seen
his umbrella?

Yes.
SH

Then I don’t see
why you’re
asking me that.

Excuse me
while I poke my
eyes out with a
knitting needle.
SH

You don’t knit.

Mrs Hudson does.
SH

What has he done
this time?

Raised the import
taxes on fish
collagen.
SH

It’s not the taxes
as much as the
price itself that
has gone up.

But the taxes
have gone up.
SH

Yes. Would you like
me to bore you
with the details?

No, I want you
to make the price
go down again.
SH

And I wanted a
pony when I was
seven. We all
had vain hopes
and dreams when
we were young.

I’m older than you.
SH

I still can’t believe
you trust me on
that one.

I don’t trust you.
SH

Clever boy.

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

The benefits
are wonderful.

Liar. No
government
employee
has benefits
good enough to
make up for
having Mycroft
as a boss.
SH

What can I say?
I have a soft
spot for black
cars with tinted
windows.

Feeling silly
today, are we?
SH

Only when
talking to you.

I’m honoured.
SH

You bring out
the worst in me.

So you’ll make
him stop
screening my
cases, then?
SH

Oh, he’s not
the one doing
that.

Et tu, Madeleine?
SH

Always with the
drama. What is
it with the two
of you?

Don’t compare
me to Mycroft.
SH

It’s very hard
not to.

Try.
SH

No.

At least stop
screening my
cases!
SH

What do you say?

Stop screening
my cases, please.
SH

I’ll think about it.

You’re terrible.
SH

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

What’s he
done now?

Oh, don’t play
dumb. You know
exactly what he’s
done.
SH

I know a lot
of things he’s
done, but I’m
not sure which
one you’re upset
about right now.

Just make him
stop. He’s ruining
everything.
SH

Sherlock, I might
have superpowers,
but I can’t read
your mind through
text messages.

Just make him
stop sticking his
nose where it
doesn’t belong.
SH

His nose belongs
everywhere.

The nightmares
that image will
cause….
SH

I don’t know, I
find the thought
rather amusing.

From time to time,
your sense of
humour baffles
me.
SH

It’s just one of
the many things
about me that
intrigue you.

I find nothing
about you even
remotely interesting.
SH

I never thought
the day would
come when I’d
suggest you
should take
lessons in lying
from John. Now
I actually think
you could learn a
thing or two.

So you can
tell when I’m
lying, but you can’t
read my mind?
SH

Yes. It was such
an obvious lie.
Everything about
me is interesting.

Hardly.
SH

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

The decision is
final, Sherlock.
You’re going to
your mother’s
birthday party.

Oh, we’ll see
about that.
SH

The two of you
have bought a
hideous crystal
vase.

I’m sure she’ll
love it. Did you
sign the card for
us too?
SH

Of course. Your mother
has truly terrible taste.

Especially in men.
SH

Then we have that
in common.

Our father was
much worse than
Mycroft.
SH

I wasn’t referring
to your brother.

That’s something,
at least.
SH

The car will pick
you up at 11:15.

No, it won’t.
SH

You’re so cute when
you think you
have a choice.

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

Some people
start with ‘hello’.

Those people
are stupid.
SH

Polite doesn’t
necessarily mean
stupid.

Most social
rituals are there
to hide people’s
shortcomings.
SH

Saying ‘hello’ is not
one of those.

Fine.
SH

Hello. Lovely
weather, isn’t it?
Please tell my
brother that he can’t
reduce funding for
the winter shelters.
Sincerely yours,
Sherlock Holmes.

Not all the evil in
the world comes
from your brother.

This does.
SH

No, Sherlock, it
does not.

Is there
something he
could do about
it, then?
SH

No, I’m sorry.

Not as sorry as
the homeless will be.
SH

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

Would you like
me to make a list?

No, thank you.
I’m sure it
would just be
frustrating to
read about
your stupidity.
SH

Then stop asking
that question!

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

I’ve started to
wonder if there’s
a secret message
in that text.

There isn’t.
SH

We’re still in
Brussels, so
whatever it is,
your brother can’t
be responsible.

Oh, it was a
real question
this time. I’m
bored.
SH

You? Bored?
No, that can’t be.

Your sarcasm is
not amusing.
SH

I think so, and
you know I can’t
talk about my
job.

Indulge me.
SH

I always indulge
you, Sherlock.

So, why do
you work for
Mycroft?
SH

Don’t be jealous.
Your chromosomes
are still hotter.

I’m not jealous.
SH

Why do you
want to know,
then?

Is it so hard
to believe that
I’d like to know
about the start
of my friend’s
insanity?
SH

Not when you’re
bored, no.

Well, then.
SH

Isn’t it obvious
why I work
for your brother?

No, I think it’s
irrational.
SH

You know how
you feel about
a really clever
serial killer?

Of course.
SH

That’s how I
feel about
complex logistical
systems. And
economic
planning. And
political intrigue.

And people call
me a freak.
SH

Hush.

I get it though.
You're as insane
as he is.
SH

We share a lot
of ideas and
concerns, yes.

How did you
meet him?
SH

Usual way: girl
gets amazing
internship after
uni and impresses
boy with her work
during the Dublin riots.

And he just gave
you the job?
SH

No, he got me a
job in Frankfurt.

As a test?
SH

Of course.

I thought he’d
pick Brussels for
that sort of thing.
SH

Oh, that was the
second test. He’s
rather picky.

You seem to
have passed.
SH

Of course. I’m
that good.

Or just that
insane.
SH

Hush.

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

He brought you
into my life.

That shut you
up, didn’t it?

No, it didn’t.
SH

So you didn’t
answer for 20
minutes because
you and John
were snogging
on the sofa?

Don’t be absurd.
SH

You know I’m never
absurd. Silly, maybe.

Then don’t be silly.
SH

If I am, it’s your fault.
Still, you’re one of
the best things about
this job.

You’re one of the
best things about
Mycroft.
SH

Oh, so there are
other good things
then?

No. I guess you’re
the only good thing
about my brother.
SH

Oh, hush.

-x-

Vol. X - ASiB

Comments

[09night-rain.livejournal.com]

i've just spent a hilarious twenty minutes reading through all of these and all i can say is wow! i love what you've created between these two, and the idea that she is the sherlock of politics and economics. and now i want an exploding umbrella.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Oh, we all want one of those :D Sherlock could probably retire on the profit from making those (if he would ever bother…). Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment :)

[m3aculpa.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to come up with a comment which will make sense, but I'm afraid that my brain seems to have devoted itself to keep me smiling and awing at how cute they are. These stories are very funny!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

That comment made perfect sense! Thank you very much!

[lindentreeisle.livejournal.com]

Ha! I still love these. :)

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! Thanks :D

[lillianone.livejournal.com]

These are love
:)

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

So are comments like that ♥

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Still enjoying these so much!
*grin*

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[the-first-chibi.livejournal.com]

The more I read, the more I want. Lovely, sweet and funny. The bit about the shelters though? Quite a kick to the heart!

Loved it, as usual. And I always hope there's more ;)

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Good to hear! As soon as I figure things out with Irene I think there will be more too. The shelter thing was inspired by this (http://sherlockbbc.livejournal.com/3462770.html) in nico8188_13's advent calendar, but instead of kicking the heart that one warms it :)

Thank you so much.

[shadowfireflame.livejournal.com]

Ha, Sherlock finally had to admit that there’s something good about Mycroft! :)

I really like the ongoing theme of Sherlock trying his best to protect the homeless, although it’s so sad that it seems not much can be done, even by Mycroft/Madeleine.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

I love you for reading through this series and commenting on each chapter! You've given me so many ideas of things I need to revisit!