Short Message Service Vol. I

[solrosan]

This text-based fic is brought to you by The power of Procrastination

Notes: Written for this prompt.

Summary: Sherlock  has a secret friend (since long before he met John) who also prefers to text.

Acknowledgement: Many thanks to frayedshoelace for being my beta (but mostly for pointing out that it's called "prompt").


***
Mr Holmes,
stop texting your brother.
He is in a meeting.
 
The obnoxious
bastard can turn off
his phone.
SH
 
He is waiting for a call.
 
Who are you?
SH
 
I’m sure you’ll figure
it out.
 
Is that a challenge?
SH
 
It’s an observation.
 
Give me a clue.
SH
 
Stop texting your
brother.
 
That is not a clue.
SH
 
Stop.
 
If you tell me who you
are.
SH
 
I thought you’d have
figured it out by now.
Should I be insulted?
 
You obviously work
for my brother; you
need no further insult.
SH
 
Now you’re getting
somewhere. I was
starting to think your
brother thought too
highly of you.
 
I find it a bit unfair
that you probably
know everything from
my school grades to
my DNA profile and I
don’t even know your
gender.
SH
 
Life is unfair.
Would my gender
matter?
 
No, it wouldn’t.
SH
 
And don’t flatter
yourself. I don’t care
about your grades.
 
But my genomic
sequence?
SH
 
Chromosomes are
very hot.
 
I think I like you.
SH
 
I’m sorry Mr Holmes, but
I’m married to my work.
 
You work for Mycroft.
Get a divorce.
SH
 
Oh, the troublesome
bureaucracy.
 
At least I hope it’s
a sexless marriage.
SH
 
Isn’t that the definition
of a marriage?
 
Touché.
SH
 
-x-
 
Your brother wants
to know if you’re going
to your mother’s.
 
He knows the answer.
SH
 
Is that your final answer?
 
Yes. Feel free to
Improvise an insult
of your choice to
accompany it.
SH
 
-x-
 
The car is outside.
 
Not going.
SH
 
-x-
 
I’ve been asked to
remind you that it is
illegal to rob graves.
 
Thank you for
reminding me. Going
to write it on a post-it
and put it on my
bathroom mirror.
SH
 
Sarcasm doesn’t work well
in texts.
 
Stating the obvious
today, are we?
SH
 
I apologise. I’m tired
today.
 
You’re excused, you
work for Mycroft. The fact
that you don’t have a
constant migraine is
unbelievable.
SH
 
My migraines are never
work-related.
 
Again: unbelievable.
SH
 
-x-
 
Bored.
 
Magnetic.
 
?
 
Thought we were
picking random
adjectives.
 
I thought you were
intelligent.
SH
 
Ditto.
 
I’m bored.
SH
 
I’m important.
 
Self-important
maybe.
SH
 
Pot, kettle, black.
 
Stop using random
words.
SH

lmgtfy.com
 
Amusing.
SH
 
But you’re not bored
anymore.
 
-x-
 
Your brother is
driving me up the wall!
 
Told you this would
happen.
SH
 
Kicking when I’m
down? Classy.
 
You have better
opportunities to kill
him than I do, so there’s
not much I can do.
SH
 
How do you think
I should do it?
 
Exploding umbrella.
SH
 
That’s not very refined.
 
Didn’t know killing
one’s brother needed
to be refined.
SH
 
Poison? You’re a chemist
after all.
 
Please don’t say
this is a hypothetical
conversation.
SH
 
Either way, you made
me smile. Thank you.
 
You’re welcome.
SH
 
-x-
 
Scrabble app available!
 
The game is on!
SH
 
Zymase? Really?
 
Says Ms Amniote.
SH
 
So you figured that out
at last. What gave me
away?
 
The 29 day migraine
cycle and the murder
by poison.
SH
 
Maybe you do have a
brain after all. The
poison was a bit
prejudiced though.
 
But not incorrect.
SH
 
JUKEBOX, 3xword.
Read it and weep.
 
Rematch?
SH
 
-x-
 
Guess who I just
picked up.
 
Case. No time.
SH
 
Wrong.
 
Serial suicide.
SH
 
Heard about those.
Anything yet?
 
Theories. Definitely
murders.
SH
 
Fascinating. Lestrade
invited you?
 
Finally.
SH
 
He’s hot.
 
Please stop.
SH
 
Guess who I just
picked up.
 
You know I don’t
guess.
SH
 
A Dr John H Watson.
 
God. How can
you work for that man?
SH
 
He’s hot too.
 
I just vomited.
SH
 
I’ll bring your doctor
soon. I think he’s
flirting with me.
 
Haha! Go for it.
SH
 
The cane is a bit of a
turn-off.
 
It’s psychosomatic.
SH
 
The cane?
 
The limp, obviously.
I’ll get it fixed for you.
SH
 
Married to my work,
remember?
 
I thought I told you
to get a divorce.
SH
 
Do you want me to
eavesdrop on the
conversation?
 
No, I think I’ll mess
with him myself.
SH
 
You’re texting him?
 
Yes, but I was thinking
about you.
SH
 
Thank you.
On our way back now.
Went by his place to pick
up a gun (or something
similar, he has it inside
his jeans. Hard to say).
 
Or maybe he’s just
happy to see you?
SH
 
He is. But he brought a
gun.
 
If the limp is a deal
breaker, I can fix it. Honest.
SH
 
Don’t you have a case?
 
-x-
 
Told you he had a gun.
 
Told you I could fix
the limp.
SH
 
Thought you’d like to
know I’ve raised your
surveillance.
 
Worried about the
army doctor much? I think
he can take care of himself.
SH
 
Not my orders.
 
I can give you a
poison of your choice
to feed him.
SH
 
Only I wouldn’t.
 
I was so close to
falling in love with you.
SH
 
Good night Sherlock.
 
Good night.

***

Vol. II - aka Sexting

Comments

[londonsabre.livejournal.com]

Love this SO MUCH!!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Why, thank you :D

[fanbot.livejournal.com]

This? This is beautiful. I think it is Headcanon now.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thanks! This promt went straight to my head!canon as well.... Wonder if BBC has a suggestion box?

[madder-badder.livejournal.com]

This is adorable! I smiled all the way through.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thank you, that's wonderful :D

[the-first-chibi.livejournal.com]

Genius. Pure Genius. This bit killed me:
Or maybe he’s just
happy to see you?
SH

He is. But he brought a
gun.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

So glad you liked it :)

[hardboiledbaby]

Perfectly brilliant and amazing! *dances you*

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the lovely words! And the dance! The world needs more dance!

[maccadole.livejournal.com]

I love email and text based fic! And all such.

This was perfect, haha!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear :)

[maccadole.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, though.
I deduced something from your username, something I had to confirm, so I went to your profile... And - hello, fellow Swede!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Din slutledningsförmåga är fantastisk! :)

[maccadole.livejournal.com]

Hahah, tack? Nåväl, som du säkert gissat var det ganska självklart eftersom det innehåller ett svenskt ord. SÅ smart är jag inte ;)

Men wow, dock! Hade ingen aning om att den här fandomen hade en skitbra författare från Sverige, av alla ställen! Inte ofta man ser folk hemifrån som skriver så ren engelska, och är så kreativ.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Hehe trodde annars att min tagg "language: swe" var en större give-away ;)

Och ja haha, jag blir lika paff varje gång jag stöter på svenskar i den här fandomen (eller på internet överlag kanske?). Måste säga att jag är mycket bättre på att ta emot komplimanger om mitt skrivande på engelska än på svenska - jantelagen? - för jag vet inte riktigt vad jag ska svara på det där :) Men tack :) Känner mig lite generad nu.

[maccadole.livejournal.com]

Hahah, nej, verkligen? Jag suger på att kolla taggar. Tänker alltid att jag borde göra det till en vana, då det ofta finns något spännande att läsa där. Men jag glömmer alltid.

Ja, detsamma. Väldigt ovant med svenskar i fandom i allmänhet som faktiskt vet vad som pågår. När jag tänker på svenska fans tänker jag på ovetande småsaker som sitter och fjortischattar på något svenskt forum någonstans och inte vad vad fandom betyder ens, hahaha! I don't know.

Ja! Väldigt ovant att skriva på svenska. Jag känner mig lite handikappad. Which is strange, eftersom jag är svensk.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Hehe jag med, burkar bara lägga märke till de "stora" taggarna och hos mig är det mest bara Sherlock ;) Postar lite historier om Axel von Fersen emellanåt bara för att inte glömma hur jag skriver fiction på svenska.

Den uppfattningen har jag inte om svenskar i fandom, men det kanske är för att jag blev indragen av kompisar för massa herrans år sedan (RP-människor burkar tendera att vara ganska fangirl/boy även om det mest var anime-fandoms just då). Det här är den första fandomen som jag är ensam i från RL och faktiskt den första jag postar fics i.

[ascendant-angel.livejournal.com]

Brilliant

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[vince-moon.livejournal.com]

Heh, cool.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

That's how I roll ;)

[zedille.livejournal.com]

I love everything about this fic. It's perfect.

Sherlock and Anthea are introduced to each other in a really realistic and believable way, and that makes everything else so much funnier. Their friendship/relationship develops really naturally and remains in-character. I love their banter about Mycroft (excellent repurposing of the "married to my work" line, and Sherlock's attitude toward the whole thing is perfect!) and John (Sherlock trying to pair them up with his go for it and fixing the limp for her) and is that a hint of Sherlock/Anthea at the end??

This is my new headcanon. I am so happy to see you'll hopefully be writing more of this <3

Also. I notice you're not a native speaker of English. I'd be happy to beta-read for you, if you'd like? - there are just a couple of little things that stick out. Your English is very readable, nonetheless!

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

I’m not going to say that S/A will never happen, because honestly, who knows? But that’s not my plan ;) Leaning more towards J/A actually. Glad you liked it, it’s one of those things that are just so fun to write (especially when I’m supposed to write something else).

And yes please, beta as much as you like I’d be very grateful for the help :) This was such a short crazy thing that searching for a beta never really crossed my mind. I it’s not much you can just do it in the comments or PM me, but I can also mail you the .docx (or .doc if that’s your thing) if you like.

[zedille.livejournal.com]

I am happy to ship Anthea with Sherlock or John or Mycroft or Lestrade or anyone :D and I'm sure whoever you end up shipping her with will turn out nicely!

About betaing - to be fair, I am American. I'll try to avoid obvious Americanisms as much as I can, but we'll see how that goes! If you don't mind, could you send me the doc(x) file? Less fiddly HTML coding and scrolling to do on my end :)

(I'll be happy to beta the second part of this, as well as any other future parts that you might write!)

[zedille.livejournal.com]

(HI AGAIN THIS IS HOW IT ALL STARTED BACK IN THE DAY ~rolls around~)

[mildly-neurotic.livejournal.com]

This is great. :-)

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying so :)

[maaiker.livejournal.com]

Squeeee I love it XD hahaha I giggled all the way XD Awesome! Thanks for sharing :D

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I could make you smile :)

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Brilliant.
<3

EDIT: what's jfgi.com supposed to be? I actually looked it up and it's something to do with a Jewish Faith site?

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

Heh... Maybe I should have looked at that, I was so sure it was the adress. jfgi stands for "just fucking google it" and here is the site (http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/) I thought Anthea was refering to.

[shadowfireflame.livejournal.com]

Scrabble app available!
 
The game is on!
SH

Hahaha, this was hysterical. And Sherlock’s confidence that he can fix John’s limp to make him more date-worthy for her was wonderful! Really cute. The more I think about Anthea and Sherlock constantly texting, the more it makes sense that they might be texting each other.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

I'm very happy every time I hear that I manage to convert another soul ;)

The idea of Anthea and Sherlock as texting buddies was a bit of a leap for me when I sat down with the prompt a long, long time ago, but... it was the most natural thing in the world and this one itself (and so did the next four).