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Short Message Service Vol. X - A Scandal in Belgravia
Notes: They are back! I missed this series, but series 2 really fuck me up. Ignoring that many of the installments have been entirely or partly jossed and just keep going. As always, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
frayedshoelace has been amazing when helping with this.
The other parts can be found here.
Summary: ASiB told with Sherlock’s and not!Anthea’s texts.
-x-
Life is just too
good right now.
Shut up.
SH
A deerstalker!
I said, shut up.
SH
And I’m
ignoring that.
Do you have any
idea how hard
it is to work
when everyone
recognises me?
SH
Do you have any
idea how hard it
is for ME to work
when I can’t take
my eyes of this
adorable picture
of you in a
deerstalker?
Grow up!
SH
-x-
I hate people.
SH
What have they
done now?
They want me to
investigate things that
not even the police
could screw up.
SH
It’s the price of fame.
I never wanted
fame.
SH
You did too.
It’s all John’s
fault. He should
have to take the
boring cases.
SH
Sure, he’ll agree
to that.
Do you think so?
SH
No.
We should have
a rating system.
SH
You work on that.
You won’t help me?
SH
This is something
between you and
your boyfriend.
John is not my
boyfriend.
SH
Of course he isn’t.
This is tedious.
SH
You should see
this website
your brother
wants me to
look into. It’s
quite stimulating.
Not John’s blog,
I hope?
SH
No, though your
brother is almost as
annoyed about it
as you are.
Can’t he have
it shut down?
SH
‘British government
shuts down popular
blog due to disturbing
content.’ Yes, that’s
a headline we want
to see.
I’ll just have to
do it myself, then.
SH
Have fun!
-x-
You deleted your
analyses of tobacco
ash?
Yes.
SH
Pity.
You read it?
SH
Yes.
-x-
Where are you?
Bed.
SH
Ah, the life of the
self-employed.
I would support
you fully if you
decided to quit and
start your own
business.
SH
Where did John go?
Kindly spend our
tax revenue on
something other
than monitoring
my flat.
SH
Where’s John?
I thought you
were over your
obsession with
him.
SH
Doctor in uniform,
Sherlock, a girl
never gets over that.
I thought he
was Mycroft’s
boytoy?
SH
No, that’s Detective
Inspector Lestrade.
Your horror
stories are better
than Stephen King’s.
SH
Some things just
write themselves.
Where is John?
On his way to
a crime scene.
SH
Without you?
Boring case. A six.
SH
A six?
Our new rating
system. He takes
everything less than
a seven.
SH
He agreed to that?
I think I would
have noticed if
he disagreed.
SH
What’s the case?
I’m sure that my
brother's new toy
could get you a file
or something.
SH
Or you could tell me.
Why do you
want to know?
SH
I need to know
where to pick
him up.
I don’t have the
exact coordinates.
DI Carter is on the
case. Dead hiker.
SH
Thank you. Then I think
we need a helicopter.
I’m not sure if
that’s more amusing
or disturbing.
SH
You don’t have to
decide right now.
How magnanimous
of you.
SH
I know.
I should get out
of bed.
SH
You probably should.
And get dressed.
Why?
SH
Oh, just some
friendly advice.
-x-
How old are you?
He started it.
SH
Behave. Or I’ll
tell him about the
ashtray.
I’m taking the
case, isn’t that
enough?
SH
If you find the
pictures, will you
show me?
If?
SH
Sorry, when.
You could
find better lesbian
porn if you hacked
John’s computer.
SH
I’m sure I have
better lesbian
porn on my phone.
That’s not why I
want to see them.
I think I’ll show
my brother these
texts.
SH
You would never.
No, I wouldn’t.
Now, stop disturbing
me, I have royal
pornography to
hunt down.
SH
Good luck.
I don’t need luck.
SH
-x-
Dr Watson, he’s
not answering.
Is he all right?
Are we talking
about the drugs
or the Americans?
Sorry about that.
You’re sorry? Well,
that makes it all
fine!
I apologise. Is
Sherlock all right?
They held a GUN
to my head!
Mr Holmes is
handling it.
Fuck off.
Please, Dr Watson.
Is he all right?
He will be.
Again, we do
apologise. We
never anticipated
this.
-x-
Tell my brother
that this is the
last time I do
anything for him.
SH
John has already
expressed his
concerns.
Concerns? Those
imbecilic Americans
held a gun to his
head and threatened
to shoot him!
SH
I’m sorry.
No.
SH
What do you
want me to do?
There is nothing
you can do.
SH
I’m sorry, Sherlock.
Don’t you think
we'd have told you
if we knew?
No.
SH
I’m sorry.
-x-
Are you going
to be angry
with me forever?
I’m not angry.
That would be a
waste of energy.
SH
Are you ever
going to forgive
me?
Time will tell.
SH
I’m sorry.
They held a gun
to John’s head.
Sorry is not
enough.
SH
I know.
They would have
killed him if I’d
gotten it wrong.
SH
You don’t get
things wrong.
What if I had?
SH
You didn’t.
What if I had?
SH
God, I’m sorry,
Sherlock.
Withholding
information is
something I
expected from
Mycroft.
SH
I didn’t know
they would be
there! You have
to believe me.
I don’t have
to do anything.
SH
-x-
You can’t ask Santa
for “a nice juicy
murder”.
Reading John’s
blog, are we?
SH
Getting the report
from the police.
But yes.
Please stop.
SH
You’re still getting
texts from Ms
Adler?
That is none of
your business.
SH
She blackmailed
the Royal Family.
I’d hardly call it
blackmail.
SH
You shouldn’t be
in contact with her.
Jealous?
SH
No.
Worry about
controlling the
foreign assassins
you allow to run
wild in our streets,
instead of caring
about who I get
texts from.
SH
Fine.
I swear, you’re
getting more
and more like
Mycroft.
SH
-x-
What do you
want from your
brother for
Christmas?
Privacy.
SH
What do you
want from me?
The same?
SH
Fine.
-x-
Was it her?
He made a positive
identification.
MH
How is he?
He has John.
MH
-x-
I’m sorry, Sherlock.
Why? Has an
American held
a gun to John’s
head again?
SH
Are you all right?
John messed up
my sock index.
SH
-x-
Is he all right?
No.
Did you find
anything?
No.
His Victorian
stationary box
has a false
bottom.
Damn. How did
you know?
His brother has
one like it.
Dare I ask what
he keeps there?
Chocolate.
Better than this.
Yes. Take care
of him.
I try.
-x-
Sherlock?
No.
SH
-x-
Are you all right?
-x-
Is he all right?
I don’t know.
Take care of him.
Of course.
Thank you.
-x-
How could you
let this happen?
SH
What? What
happened?
You’re supposed
to watch our flat!
SH
You asked us to
stop. What
happened?
You never listen!
Your CIA thugs
attacked Mrs
Hudson!
SH
Oh, God! Is she all
right?
Yes, no thanks
to you. Why are
they still in the
country?
SH
I’m sorry, I can’t
tell you that.
You owe me that
explanation.
SH
I can’t.
Gun to John’s
head. Attacked
Mrs Hudson. Tell
me why they are
here.
SH
I’m sorry.
-x-
Ms Adler is
still alive?
Stop reading
John’s blog.
SH
Are you all right?
Stop asking that
question.
SH
Answer it!
Get rid of the
CIA agents.
SH
-x-
Ms Adler, leave
Mr Holmes alone.
Which one?
Preferably both.
Pick one.
Sherlock.
How sweet.
Jealous?
-x-
She’s here.
SH
Be careful.
Are the CIA
agents gone?
SH
No.
Then she stays.
SH
Do you tell me
these things
just to
upset me?
I don’t know.
Maybe.
SH
Be careful.
-x-
He’s not angry
with you.
I’m angry with
myself.
SH
It’s not completely your
fault. If I’d told you
what was going
on, this would never
have happened.
I should have
figured it out.
SH
If I’d just seduced
you first, this would
never have happened.
Yes, you’re right.
This is all your fault.
SH
I’m sorry I didn’t
tell you everything.
I’m sorry I
compared you
to Mycroft.
SH
Friends again?
Friends.
SH
-x-
I have something
you might be
interested in.
Oh?
SH
She’s being held
captive in Karachi.
Keeping track of
The Woman, are we?
SH
After what she
did to you and your
brother, of course I am.
That’s a bit
overprotective,
don't you think?
SH
No.
So this is the
end for Ms Adler.
SH
If you’d like to
change that, I
have plane
tickets and a
false passport
for you. Though I’d
advise against it.
Does Mycroft know?
SH
Yes.
Does he approve?
SH
Not entirely.
Can you make sure
John doesn’t find out?
SH
I’ll see to that.
Thank you.
SH
Be careful.
Of course.
SH
-x-
It went well.
SH
‘British government
saves woman
screwing Royal
Family over.’
We’ll keep that
out of the papers.
SH
Thank you.
-x-
John is truly
terrible at lying.
SH
Give him credit
for even trying.
He should know
better than to try
to lie to me.
SH
He loves you and
wants to protect
you.
I thought that
was your job.
SH
My job involves
filling planes with
dead bodies and
rescuing terrorists
from terrorists.
So the love and
protection are
delegated to John?
SH
No, those are my
hobbies.
It’s better than
philately.
SH
Hush.
-x-
Vol. XI - Smokin'
frayedshoelace has been amazing when helping with this.The other parts can be found here.
Summary: ASiB told with Sherlock’s and not!Anthea’s texts.
-x-
Life is just too
good right now.
Shut up.
SH
A deerstalker!
I said, shut up.
SH
And I’m
ignoring that.
Do you have any
idea how hard
it is to work
when everyone
recognises me?
SH
Do you have any
idea how hard it
is for ME to work
when I can’t take
my eyes of this
adorable picture
of you in a
deerstalker?
Grow up!
SH
-x-
I hate people.
SH
What have they
done now?
They want me to
investigate things that
not even the police
could screw up.
SH
It’s the price of fame.
I never wanted
fame.
SH
You did too.
It’s all John’s
fault. He should
have to take the
boring cases.
SH
Sure, he’ll agree
to that.
Do you think so?
SH
No.
We should have
a rating system.
SH
You work on that.
You won’t help me?
SH
This is something
between you and
your boyfriend.
John is not my
boyfriend.
SH
Of course he isn’t.
This is tedious.
SH
You should see
this website
your brother
wants me to
look into. It’s
quite stimulating.
Not John’s blog,
I hope?
SH
No, though your
brother is almost as
annoyed about it
as you are.
Can’t he have
it shut down?
SH
‘British government
shuts down popular
blog due to disturbing
content.’ Yes, that’s
a headline we want
to see.
I’ll just have to
do it myself, then.
SH
Have fun!
-x-
You deleted your
analyses of tobacco
ash?
Yes.
SH
Pity.
You read it?
SH
Yes.
-x-
Where are you?
Bed.
SH
Ah, the life of the
self-employed.
I would support
you fully if you
decided to quit and
start your own
business.
SH
Where did John go?
Kindly spend our
tax revenue on
something other
than monitoring
my flat.
SH
Where’s John?
I thought you
were over your
obsession with
him.
SH
Doctor in uniform,
Sherlock, a girl
never gets over that.
I thought he
was Mycroft’s
boytoy?
SH
No, that’s Detective
Inspector Lestrade.
Your horror
stories are better
than Stephen King’s.
SH
Some things just
write themselves.
Where is John?
On his way to
a crime scene.
SH
Without you?
Boring case. A six.
SH
A six?
Our new rating
system. He takes
everything less than
a seven.
SH
He agreed to that?
I think I would
have noticed if
he disagreed.
SH
What’s the case?
I’m sure that my
brother's new toy
could get you a file
or something.
SH
Or you could tell me.
Why do you
want to know?
SH
I need to know
where to pick
him up.
I don’t have the
exact coordinates.
DI Carter is on the
case. Dead hiker.
SH
Thank you. Then I think
we need a helicopter.
I’m not sure if
that’s more amusing
or disturbing.
SH
You don’t have to
decide right now.
How magnanimous
of you.
SH
I know.
I should get out
of bed.
SH
You probably should.
And get dressed.
Why?
SH
Oh, just some
friendly advice.
-x-
How old are you?
He started it.
SH
Behave. Or I’ll
tell him about the
ashtray.
I’m taking the
case, isn’t that
enough?
SH
If you find the
pictures, will you
show me?
If?
SH
Sorry, when.
You could
find better lesbian
porn if you hacked
John’s computer.
SH
I’m sure I have
better lesbian
porn on my phone.
That’s not why I
want to see them.
I think I’ll show
my brother these
texts.
SH
You would never.
No, I wouldn’t.
Now, stop disturbing
me, I have royal
pornography to
hunt down.
SH
Good luck.
I don’t need luck.
SH
-x-
Dr Watson, he’s
not answering.
Is he all right?
Are we talking
about the drugs
or the Americans?
Sorry about that.
You’re sorry? Well,
that makes it all
fine!
I apologise. Is
Sherlock all right?
They held a GUN
to my head!
Mr Holmes is
handling it.
Fuck off.
Please, Dr Watson.
Is he all right?
He will be.
Again, we do
apologise. We
never anticipated
this.
-x-
Tell my brother
that this is the
last time I do
anything for him.
SH
John has already
expressed his
concerns.
Concerns? Those
imbecilic Americans
held a gun to his
head and threatened
to shoot him!
SH
I’m sorry.
No.
SH
What do you
want me to do?
There is nothing
you can do.
SH
I’m sorry, Sherlock.
Don’t you think
we'd have told you
if we knew?
No.
SH
I’m sorry.
-x-
Are you going
to be angry
with me forever?
I’m not angry.
That would be a
waste of energy.
SH
Are you ever
going to forgive
me?
Time will tell.
SH
I’m sorry.
They held a gun
to John’s head.
Sorry is not
enough.
SH
I know.
They would have
killed him if I’d
gotten it wrong.
SH
You don’t get
things wrong.
What if I had?
SH
You didn’t.
What if I had?
SH
God, I’m sorry,
Sherlock.
Withholding
information is
something I
expected from
Mycroft.
SH
I didn’t know
they would be
there! You have
to believe me.
I don’t have
to do anything.
SH
-x-
You can’t ask Santa
for “a nice juicy
murder”.
Reading John’s
blog, are we?
SH
Getting the report
from the police.
But yes.
Please stop.
SH
You’re still getting
texts from Ms
Adler?
That is none of
your business.
SH
She blackmailed
the Royal Family.
I’d hardly call it
blackmail.
SH
You shouldn’t be
in contact with her.
Jealous?
SH
No.
Worry about
controlling the
foreign assassins
you allow to run
wild in our streets,
instead of caring
about who I get
texts from.
SH
Fine.
I swear, you’re
getting more
and more like
Mycroft.
SH
-x-
What do you
want from your
brother for
Christmas?
Privacy.
SH
What do you
want from me?
The same?
SH
Fine.
-x-
Was it her?
He made a positive
identification.
MH
How is he?
He has John.
MH
-x-
I’m sorry, Sherlock.
Why? Has an
American held
a gun to John’s
head again?
SH
Are you all right?
John messed up
my sock index.
SH
-x-
Is he all right?
No.
Did you find
anything?
No.
His Victorian
stationary box
has a false
bottom.
Damn. How did
you know?
His brother has
one like it.
Dare I ask what
he keeps there?
Chocolate.
Better than this.
Yes. Take care
of him.
I try.
-x-
Sherlock?
No.
SH
-x-
Are you all right?
-x-
Is he all right?
I don’t know.
Take care of him.
Of course.
Thank you.
-x-
How could you
let this happen?
SH
What? What
happened?
You’re supposed
to watch our flat!
SH
You asked us to
stop. What
happened?
You never listen!
Your CIA thugs
attacked Mrs
Hudson!
SH
Oh, God! Is she all
right?
Yes, no thanks
to you. Why are
they still in the
country?
SH
I’m sorry, I can’t
tell you that.
You owe me that
explanation.
SH
I can’t.
Gun to John’s
head. Attacked
Mrs Hudson. Tell
me why they are
here.
SH
I’m sorry.
-x-
Ms Adler is
still alive?
Stop reading
John’s blog.
SH
Are you all right?
Stop asking that
question.
SH
Answer it!
Get rid of the
CIA agents.
SH
-x-
Ms Adler, leave
Mr Holmes alone.
Which one?
Preferably both.
Pick one.
Sherlock.
How sweet.
Jealous?
-x-
She’s here.
SH
Be careful.
Are the CIA
agents gone?
SH
No.
Then she stays.
SH
Do you tell me
these things
just to
upset me?
I don’t know.
Maybe.
SH
Be careful.
-x-
He’s not angry
with you.
I’m angry with
myself.
SH
It’s not completely your
fault. If I’d told you
what was going
on, this would never
have happened.
I should have
figured it out.
SH
If I’d just seduced
you first, this would
never have happened.
Yes, you’re right.
This is all your fault.
SH
I’m sorry I didn’t
tell you everything.
I’m sorry I
compared you
to Mycroft.
SH
Friends again?
Friends.
SH
-x-
I have something
you might be
interested in.
Oh?
SH
She’s being held
captive in Karachi.
Keeping track of
The Woman, are we?
SH
After what she
did to you and your
brother, of course I am.
That’s a bit
overprotective,
don't you think?
SH
No.
So this is the
end for Ms Adler.
SH
If you’d like to
change that, I
have plane
tickets and a
false passport
for you. Though I’d
advise against it.
Does Mycroft know?
SH
Yes.
Does he approve?
SH
Not entirely.
Can you make sure
John doesn’t find out?
SH
I’ll see to that.
Thank you.
SH
Be careful.
Of course.
SH
-x-
It went well.
SH
‘British government
saves woman
screwing Royal
Family over.’
We’ll keep that
out of the papers.
SH
Thank you.
-x-
John is truly
terrible at lying.
SH
Give him credit
for even trying.
He should know
better than to try
to lie to me.
SH
He loves you and
wants to protect
you.
I thought that
was your job.
SH
My job involves
filling planes with
dead bodies and
rescuing terrorists
from terrorists.
So the love and
protection are
delegated to John?
SH
No, those are my
hobbies.
It’s better than
philately.
SH
Hush.
-x-
Vol. XI - Smokin'
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Perfect! I love this series so damn much!
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Hehe, can't help to think about Sally who advised John to get a hobby instead of following Sherlock. Wonder what she would think about Anthea's hobbies....
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And then this happened: So the love and
protection are
delegated to John?
SH
No, those are my
hobbies.
*happy sigh* Hope there'll be more!
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There will be more, promise! :D
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Glad you like it so far though :)
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*applause*
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Sherlock.
Ooh, new characters join the fray! Awesome use of different fonts and texting styles!
It’s lovely how well these slot into the series, like Madeleine advising Sherlock to get dressed! LOL! And of course she was in on Karachi. I adore this series!
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